Whenever you are struggling with something or entering a new phase, people tell you to just ´let it go´. Letting go seems to be the simple answer to all your problems.
For the longest time, that´s what I thought I had to do: to let go of unprocessed emotions. I thought that if I could just release those unwanted feelings, I would feel lighter and able to start again with a clean slate. Just let it go and move on. I have learned the hard way that this isn´t the right way forward.
Over the last few years, I have discovered through both my own personal growth and in coaching clients that there is something that requires more courage than letting go: letting it in.
Letting go is leaving something behind or putting it away. It feels quite active, like you are doing something. To let things in is a different story. It means creating inner space, not by doing something, but by receiving the present moment. Not to get rid of something, but to let something unfold that is unfamiliar.
Ever since we moved from London to Malaga this April, I have fully experienced what it is like to let in the unknown. During those first few weeks, I was wearing rose-colored glasses: everything was exciting. I was meeting the most amazing people in Spanish class, and I was moving from one activity to the next. It felt like an endless vacation.
Learning Spanish felt joyful to me. I was highly motivated to learn the language and didn´t care if I made mistakes. After all, that is how you learn, right? It felt like the best way to start this new adventure.
Until reality kicked in a few weeks ago: we are not on vacation. I truly want to learn the language and not just get by in broken Spanish. I realized that I had been overconfident and had adopted the mindset that I would learn the language easily.
The first few weeks I took the A1+ course, followed by A2, and then it started. We delved into the world of past tenses, of which there are four. A wave of panic and despair washed over me, and suddenly I felt like I would never be able to do it.
The Jessica who had fun chatting in her own version of Spanish now knew, in theory, how to speak the language correctly. My innocence and courage gave way to a freeze response. My mind was looking for correct verb forms and tenses. My perfectionism kicked in and told me ´I have learned the theory, so now I should be able to put it into practice´.
Through this process I have learned that I am not naturally skilled in languages, and that I am a slow learner. I need time to get it right, and I had to let that realization sink in. I created space for my insecurity. Learning Spanish as an adult is a lesson in vulnerability. My mouth is making sounds that I am unaccustomed to. I only understand about half of what I hear, and I forget what I knew yesterday.
I can´t force myself to make progress. All I can do is let in the confusion, the not knowing, the slow pace of this journey. Every time I stopped trying so hard to do it right and just stayed present with the language and all the discomfort, something shifted. It felt like something started falling into place.
In the seventh week of Spanish class (level B1) we started expressing our feelings. I thought: this is my week! With a little bit of preparation, I managed to share in Spanish that I started off feeling overly confident, but that this feeling had been replaced by humility. I feel an even deeper respect for people who learn a new language and make it their own.
Perhaps you find yourself in the middle of a transition, like a new project or a new job. Maybe you are in the process of moving or perhaps your relationship is changing. It could be that life is nudging you in a new direction, or that you feel overly confident about something you have only just started doing.
And perhaps people keep telling you to just ´let it go´. But you feel that deep down, letting go isn´t the full story.
Instead, letting go is only the beginning. The real courage lies in what comes after: letting it in. The willingness to step into the unknown without knowing where we will land. To create space for discomfort without suppressing it. To open ourselves up to what wants is emerging, even when it feels uncomfortable, or when we move slowly.
You don´t have to be fluent in the language of your new phase of life right away. Sometimes it is enough to let yourself stumble and fully let in the experience.
Perhaps something about my experience resonates with you. Maybe you are currently experiencing that ´letting it go´ is no longer helpful, but ´letting it in´ still feels daunting. If that is the case, I´d be happy to hold space for your experience and walk alongside you for a moment. You are welcome to reach out if you would like a conversation, or a space where you can allow.
Jessica
Ps. If you like to plan something, you can book your spot here.